I have always been opposed to going to wakes and funerals, but I never really knew why other then they emotionally hit me so hard. I never knew I was different, I just told myself- "Oh you're just sensitive!... You're a big baby." Obviously death always makes everyone sad- but for me funerals and wakes are unbearable, even when I don't know the person. It can be a complete stranger and I'll be balling my eyes out in the corner some where. When I do know the deceased closely, forget it- I'm a hot blubbering mess heading for a heartattack. I can not breathe! There's no calming me down until I personally feel what I must and then choose to hit an internal switch to turn it off to save me. I know it sounds crazy, but true. It wasn't until I accepted my psychic ability where I realized it was so much more for me.
It got so bad that I made it a rule- if someone wasn't close to me or a close loved one's important somebody- I wouldn't go at all. I'd adamantly refuse! I'd go immediatley into protection mode. I remember being frowned upon by co-workers and friends... Family thought I was disrespectful to our culture. I'm sure it made me seem insensitive, but the truth is the very opposite.
I even had to tell my hunny that I would not go to his father's cousin's funeral today. Even though now I'm able to discern my feelings from others- it still is a protection I put into place. He and his father's cousin weren't close- so I respectfully bowed out and he went to support his father in his loss. I know his father knows I love him dearly and would go if I could because I've gone to an another funeral for his wife's sister. He saw how much pain I was in. He even mentioned to me, "You don't do well in funerals, huh sweety?" I physically couldn't be in the same room of those mourning close to the body. I remember sitting in the photo memorabilia room, often alone. After I explained my special ability & business to my boyfriend's father months later my strange behavior clicked for him. Like a lighbulb moment when he thought back to that day of his sister-in-law's funeral.
It's literally that- pain of deep sorrow like the loss of your own child. I feel so much more, not just my feelings but of every single persons' emotions in that room. It's debilitating! With a big family like his, it's excrutiatingly painful. It takes me days to recover from it. Each and every funeral takes a bit of something from me that I can't replace. So I must protect myself. My support team understands this now, but it did take me to go through this journey of finding out what my abilities meant for them to understand.
The lesson I share with you today is: Follow your gut and listen to it. No matter what it is, trust yourself, even if you don't know what it means at the moment- it will come to you later and will all make sense. It could be a party or a gathering- don't do things or attend events that you don't feel comforable with just because others want you to. Listen to your gut, it will always protect you. 😉🙏🏽❤️